3rd Hypnotherapy Appointment

well, I have been struggling this week so I was looking forward to today.

I will go back and ind some entries I made about my first few Hypno appointments but I will focus on today for this post.

Today we talked a lot more about the discoveries we made last time (that my need to fit in and hide my true self came from when my parents split when I was 9 and how it was handled). Since that appointment I have been able to see so many patterns of times I have buried my own feelings and fit in. Or compared myself to others and always came in last spot. I often think that "everyone" has it so much easier....I have to remember that each person faces their own journey and struggles.

Anyways, we got talking about family dynamics and it felt really good to be able to step back and be able to analyze without judgement. I can see all the positives and negatives, and love them all the same.

My flowers are changing (flower therapy - pick the flowers that appeal) and growing as I uncover my layers.

Today, we talked about my habit of giving up. That nagging voice inside that undermines my efforts, that leads me to give up, that says "yeah, just abandon that plan...everyone will understand...its too hard for you". As far back as my subconscious would allow, it came about when I gave up theatre ( something I regret to this day) and started to hang back, not commit, not try...after all if you have not tried hard and put in lots of effort...it does not hurt as much when you fail.

This pattern has plagued me...things of value...things I really care about....i give up on...cause its easy to say....oh well, i did not try that hard it does not matter that I failed. Most of my regrets, looking back, are around giving up to soon on the things that matter...and trying to hard for things that don't matter.

So...while under...we spoke to my despondent self, the one who wants to give in and not bother...and have helped that part evolve into my researcher. My researcher will help me decide what to commit too...and make the right choices about what to stick to.

This is something that has so much value in my life, if I can truely overcome this...I will be able to make the right choices in what to commit too and when to keep going even when the going gets tough. I want this, not just so i can stick to my diet...but so I can be a better person.

I love my path at the moment, I love that I am growing through this, I love that at the other end of this path...I will be a better version of me that I have ever been.