sometimes i wonder if i expect too much from my friends...a little compassion and support...does not seem too much from where i sit.
Many a time, i have stuck in there with my friends through tough journeys...i am careful with my words, i am happy to be the one that maintains contact when they have more on their plates then I do.
I know that my interest in "other things" has wained...but this is taking all my energy...and i don't have time to compete over petty things (well, i never have really) or fuss over things that in the grand scheme of things are just not that worthy of fuss.
So i now sit in a place of wondering if it is my job..to support my friends through my hard times. Am i the one who is responsible for making sure they are ok with me not being OK...or can i just focus on myself for a bit longer and trust that my real friends, the ones who have taken the time to understand my journey, will be there at the other end.
How long do i have to pretend to be happy...fake interest in people who ask nothing about me or how I am...how long do i have to dedicate energy to others...who dedicate none to me.
Hanna's 11th Birthday
5 years ago
There is one thing I have discovered in all of this and that is that in reality, no one will every understand or care as much as you would like them to. I have friends who don't care and then the ones that try to care. I don't know which I would prefer sometimes honestly. I have created online friends that are going through the same thing that actually are more there for me than my best friend since we were 8. I know she loves me and cannot even begin to understand and I just accepted it and keep my fertility stuff to myself unless asked. I used to be so angry with my friends for not trying harder, but now I have decided to give them a break and let it go. It really has helped my strained relationship with them. Good luck. The fertiles just don't get it!
ReplyDelete