Re-learning how to celebrate

Part of the pain of infertility...is learning how to gracefully deal with those who are fertile...especially the very very lucky ones who seemingly do not even have to try and get pregnant. One of the battles is how inconsiderate people can be (oh the joys of blissful ignorance) in ramming it down every one else's throat...but sadly this then rubs off on to all people who are pregnant in my mind.

It does not help when people I have been friends with for years just cut contact with me when they get pregnant...chosing to avoid any uncomfy feelings. Through my journey I have had friends who i have stayed close with during their pregnancies, the ones who chose to be my friend...by being able to see that my sadness for me was not in any way malice to them.

The number of stupid people getting pregnant hurts my head and sensibilities. People with no capacity to care or love their children. It fuels my anger that the world is unjust and helps me have those selfish moment of playing the victim that is so hard done by.

My days of victim are over. What happens to them is not going to stop good things happening to me. I feel sorry for their children, in some cases i feel sorry for them for being barely more then children themselves...if not chronologically but biologically.

Through my journey, I have become close friends with many who are also/have also struggled and I found my brush that was tarnishing the stupid ones was also tarnishing them. So, now i have to re-learn how to celebrate pregnancies in others and I find myself today in a place of such peace.

Happily, this comes to me from a close friend who has suffered several miscarriages in the last 2 years. Both her and her hubby have shown enormous courage in their journey and she is now...12 weeks pregnant. The joy i feel for them is wonderful, something I have been numb to for the last year or so.

I hope this is a turning point for me, that i can let go of some of the anger and just be a bit more joyous.Maybe by celebrating more the pregnancies around me, I will soon be able to celebrate my own.