I am presently subjecting myself to a Naturopathic diet in order to hopefully achieve my dream of becoming a mummy to a 2nd gorgeous child.
I'll be exploring this over the next few days to make it all pretty....so if you happen to find it now..sorry for the boredom lol
My past blogs.....I could not upload...so I have copy and pasted them in here...so many words and memories...to keep it simple...i am going past to most recent!
27th Oct 2008 - IUI Cycle #2
well...here we go again.
I am on day 6 a the moment...back on the Puregon, an increased dose to try and get more eggs...66iU each day this month
I have my first scan on the Thursday, 30th. Will anticipated trigger injections on Saturday 1st Nov and insemination on Monday 3rd November which will be CD13.
I am having needles instead of the horrid cream as after insemination support.
I came off the Heparin injections while AF was here and got hit with a lot of foot and hand pain so am back on them again and won't be coming off next month. They have also set me thyroid going agin so my weight is normalising and i am very happy with that.
I am doing well emotionally, still numb and other then a small cry after last months failure i have let it all fall away from me.
30th October 2008 CLuck Cluck Cluck
i am growing eggs
had my scan today...eggs not as developed as he hoped but i have another scan on Saturday and i am still hoping we can go ahead on monday.
the other problem is that there are lots of buds...so i hope only some of them progress...and that we have 3 good ones on Saturday!
1st November 2008 The scan says....
i have 3 eggs...thank god there is only 3 as i was very scared the cycle would be cancelled. I have been feeling a bit of a wreck since Thursday's scan to be honest.
So, they are not quite as big as hoped for....but that is cause there are 3 i think so we are postponing insem until Tuesday. I have to have my trigger needle at 7.35pm (precisely lol) and then drop off our sample at about 9am on Tuesday and then insem at 11.35am. So my tomorrow night we are hoping they have grown another 2mm...which is realistic.
So i spent this afternoon shopping with the girls and having a well needed break from thinking about it all...
Now i just have to figure out exactly how we are going to sort thing logistically...and well, Mark being a bit useless so i'll just have to tell him rather then discuss lol
3rd November 2008 Tomorrow is the day...
that i will hopefully get pregant!!
Had a gret day shopping with my gf's today...got some lovely new clothes...feeling good about myself and now have some outfit options lol
Tomorrow will be manic...but hopefully worth it.
I did my trigger last night at 7.35...bfore going out to dinner with a gf who is over from New Zealand..it was so good to catch up!
Tomorrow i have to drop sperm off at about 9am, then go over to the Alfred Hospital to collect my heparin..then back to the Freemasins for a coffee ith a freind from another forum who is also on month #2 of IUI...thenget inseminated at 11.35..
then its off for melbourne Cup BBQ...i do feel i should have said no to the BBQ...but at the same time i want life to go on.
It will be busy...but if i need to I can have a lay down at Sophies house...I needed one last time after the IUI...so i'll see how i go.
anyway...fingers crossed...2nd times a charm
18th November 2008 CD1 - IUI Cycle #3 starts today and..
and i cried so hard last night i have lost my voice...i really have not let the emotions out since starting IUI and last night it just all came out. I can not remember the last time i sobbed..i really needed it.
This is our last try...i am not strong enough to carry on after this one.
I am not doing well. I do not know how this journey is going to end...either way...i just do not know what is going to happen.
My meds will stay the same this month as they were happy with me having 3 eggs this time around.
I really have just been putting 1 foot infront of the other today...hoping to get through with happy kids till bedtime (so far so good) so i can collapse and grieve the child that once again has not arrived in my life.
2nd December 2008 Luteal Day 4
ended up having an early insemination this month as i went in for my scan on day 9 and i already had a 16 mm egg...so had to get going or i would have O'd naturally.
had 2 good eggs released...over 100 mil sperm with over 90% motility.
Had my first booster needle today, and accupuncture...
all seeming to be as always so i do not know if it has worked or not...i really hope that it does...beleive it or not...I'll know for sure....on Xmas eve whether it has...this really could be an xmas miracle!
13 December 2008 The waiting....
is making me a crazed obsessive mad woman....AF is late and that should be good. But the tests say negative...arrrggg
this insem me early and make my wait a 4 weeks wait is just down right mean...who invented this infertility crap anyway
i am weeing every 5 minutes for gods sake!!!
15th December 2008 Shit
After a AF being a week late...crazy symptoms and hope through the roof....2 blood tests have confirmed that I am not pregnant.
Merry freaking christmas to me, I hope the tears will have stopped by then.
17th December 2008 Hopeless?
Ok, so I have resurfaced. But only barely. I have decided in all my wisdom...to use up my left over stim drugs (i have enough) and do my own little stim cycle this month. I have O tests so can just take the Puregon until I ovulate...then try the old fashioned way. I also have 2 booster shots left over...so I have all the required druggies!
I am also going to start Bowen therapy through Marks' Chiro guy...what the hell...I've tried everything else!
14th January 2009 OMG OMG OMG
so...cause smoz put the thought in my already insane head...i did another test...line much clearer...even DH thinks so!!!
Wow, who knew wanting to buy pickles in cole could lead to this!!!
so, as scared as i am to say this!!!
I have a BFP...and i am trying to get booked in for a blood test right now!
15th January 2009 I'm back from the doc and....
i'm back...and its still a BFP!!!!!
my beta level only 7...which is low but as blood was taken on day 26 my rheumatologist happy with that (i was with her when the results came through).
If nothing else...this is proof that I CAN GET PREGNANT...and my specialist see's it that way too. She has double checked my liquid multi and said that it has enough folic acid for pregnancy and told me to keep doing exactly what i am doing.
Please please please let this be my turn. I had no idea i could be so excited and so petrified all in one moment. I feel like i could cry, sing, dance all at once.
I have to have more bloods taken on Tuesday morning to hopefully see a nice big number!!
16th January 2009 All my excitement
may have all been premature.
I have started spotting today...trying to stay positive....i really am as i bled and lost clots for the first 12 weeks with Elliott...
But i think this may have been a practice run...i'll let you guys know how it goes but it may be over before its begun.
2 days pregnant better then none at all...but i would like another 8 months of it please!
January 19th 2009
Its officially all over. I am too grief stricken for words. This may be the end
20th January 2009
i feel better then i should i think. Maybe because it was so early when i lost my angel...maybe because my path has been so hard this last 18 months...maybe because i have not got the enormity of it yet.
I had said for a while...i could handle it if i got preg and lost the baby...just knowing i could actually do it after so long with nothing would be a blessing.
However, seeing those 2 beautiful lines and having a blood test prove i was pregnant really sent shivers of excitment. The plans for the pregnancy and the love really starts instantatneously. The depth of sorrow i felt last night felt overwhelming. I could not do my job as Elliott's mother, thank god Mark was here when i got home...i really don't know how i managed to drive home.
Once again, this journey has changed who I am.
I am glad i managed not to break down in front of E, kids are so innocent. He saw i was sad, but not the floods of tears that came later.
But then, once the tears had washed away the grief...i started to feel better. I have done it, i got pregnant. What i am doing is working, for the first time. I will redouble my efforts now, if conception can happen i just have to work on my lining being receptive...so i will add some things to my diet to make it so.
Today i am tired (hot night plus my stupid cat got stuck on the roof and meowed until mark when and rescued it about 4 am) but ready. I am going to call and see if Neal can fit me in again today (I had mark call last night and cancel it as i felt i would not be able to leave the house today).
My angel wanted to show me i could do this...show me i am nearly there..i will work so that they come back to my womb soon
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