Monday, May 4, 2009

Teary breakdown alert

ok...it finally got to me!

Michael saying it was not working well enough got me rattled....and then the sickness...and the ridiculous catch 22 of not being happy enough to be pregnant....

I called to speak to Jaclyn (hypnotherapist) and make a new appointment. We got chatting about how i was feeling and then the tears came.

I felt happy and positive and over the moon with myself for doing all the right things, I was proud and excited. Even if this slows us down i am OK...but feeling sick all day every day is not on. I feel blamed for it not working...i know that is not the case.

I have to ask though....if i was happy and ok with not being pregnant...i would not be dedicating the time/money/energy into this diet/program. I am doing this because i am not satisfied with what is happening. So how do i win. If i just accept my present lack of fertility, then i won't have the motivation to do this....

so riddle me this...how the hell do i win?

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